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Read Time: 2:19 What is it? You know, the thing. It is typically indescribable. Sometimes you can't put your finger on it. However, if it is missing you miss it. Well, before I share what it is I'll share with you how F.I.A.T.M. exhibits it. If you have ever had the pleasure of speaking with F.I.A.T.M. founder, Kuba Brown you've just experienced it! If you've ever sat in on a recap of recent activities from COO, David Layne you just had a hefty dose of it! If you've ever eavesdropped on an exchange discussing the fundamentals of growth and impact by Advisory Board President, Yundra Thomas you've just run smack in the middle of it! The it factor is known by many things: charisma, personality, joie de vivre and energy. There is nothing run-of-the-mill when it comes to the it factor. It's been known to open doors that were closed, curried favor, materialized fanciful dreams and much more. Each time I've had the honor and priviledge of speaking, sitting in on or running smack in the middle of a F.I.A.T.M. event, planning session or even breaking bread I have been touched by it's it factor. You see, F.I.A.T.M. is a living and breathing organism. It is predicated upon an intense desire to make a positive impact one family at a time. Not one to rest on laurels, F.I.A.T.M. is committed to increasing it's it factorness (I just made that up)! Whether you are presently helping us officially or as your schedule permits, interested in furthering our cause, supporting us on a consistent basis financially or simply our loudest cheerleader we invite you to up your own it factorness so that we can collaboratively make a greater impact. Keep in mind; what brought us here, won't take us there. Here are 6 suggestions to help us increase our it factorness. I'd love to hear from you on any that aren't on the list that you'd suggest. Also, let me know which one or two resonate most with you? 1) Empathy. That is walking a mile in someone elses shoes. The inner critic minimizes the importance of this point. I encourage you to silence your inner critic because it makes you more relatable. 2) Good listening skills. Undoubtedly, you've heard the axiom, "You have one mouth and two ears for a reason". True. I like to take it a step further and listen to what is not being said. Sometimes that is more important than what is being shared and is a surefire way to confirm you're providing active listening. 3) Eye contact. Good eye contact sets the stage for seeing someone. It can mean you see what they are saying, you see their point of view, you see inside their soul (mind, will and emotions). A bonus is if you give good eye contact and your cell phone is either out of reach or out of sight. 4) Enthusiasm. You can say excitement. Remember no thing happens until someone gets excited. Enthusiasm actually means God-breathed. 5) Self Confidence. This is tricky because many are other people confidence versus confident in themselves. Self confidence is a muscle that grows each time you keep your word to yourself. 6) Skillful Speaking. Communication is everything. Effective communication or speaking is message given and message received. Ambiguity has no place in skillful speaking. Be clear. Succinct. Concise. Okay. I went way over today in sharing with you about how F.I.A.T.M. has the it factor. If you are interested in helping us further our messaging, feel comfortable reaching out to me at: jacqui@fiatmgroupinc.org. I'd love to get into a conversation with you and brainstorm. Feel comfortable sharing in the comment section any anecdotal instances that you experienced the it factor of F.I.A.T.M.. Until next week, Jacqui:~) Byline: Jacqui Dobens enjoys listening to live music, still needs a shot of liquid courage for karaoke because she feels rusty and secretly yearns to go hiking up the Himalyas.
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READ TIME: 1:47 Years ago I remember my sister, Janet saying to me, "It doesn't take all that". I quickly quipped back that it takes that and then some. You, dear reader are getting a sneak peek into my psyche. You see, I've never been the type to run away from difficult, challenging or even the seemingly impossible. I'm a results oriented person. Results and the possibility of results gets me going. In deciding to make a difference, all it takes is all it takes. While I realize that F.I.A.T.M. makes it look easy mentoring our youth, encouraging creative expression to emerging talent, teaching life lessons through sports activities, closing the digital divide with ESTEAM and much more, it is not. An all it takes, is all it takes mentality is necessary. Now, admittedly, those words are not spoken. Instead they are performative especially during challenging times. There's an old saying, Grist to the mill. I know. I'm an old soul. It means something that is useful for a particular purpose or helps support someone's point of view. So, you see, the adoption of this mindset is critical in making a positive impact in the lives of our youth. In an attempt to share a little behind the scenes of F.I.A.T.M. I realize it takes a willingness to express our vulnerabilities. One of our most obvious is in the brand awareness department. Instead of simply stating a challenge, I'm going to go out on a limb and ask you for specific help. Here goes. Deep breath. Okay. It would help us out tremendously if you feel comfortable sharing a link of this blog to your friends, colleagues, peers, family and decision makers that have a heart towards our youth. We've already tried to simply put the work in hoping that we'll be discovered by decision makers, potential sponsors, potential mentors, school district introductions and much more. Guess what? It hasn't happened on a grand scale....yet. I can often be found sharing the principle that what brought you here won't take you there. Well, it's true. Now, while I'm in the asking mood, I have one more ask for you. I only want you to do this if you are comfortable. Ready? I am! We need introductions to individuals and/or organizations that are in search of wheels-on-the-ground youth and family based organizations to donate their financial resources, company talent pool, and participate in team building sessions. If you are or you know of someone feel comfortable sending me an email:Jacqui@FiatmGroupInc.org. Until next week, Jacqui:~) Byline: Jacqui Dobens is known as being the person you want in the foxhole with you because of the challenges she's overcome. She is known to stay calm in moments of chaos. Almost immediately after recognizing the moment has passed she will find something humorous in it. Her thought being that man is most funny when they are able to laugh at themselves and not take themselves too seriously.  In the picture above, F.I.A.T.M. Founder, Yakuba Brown (a.k.a. Kuba Brown) is passionately describing where we are heading. If you’ve ever encountered him you know precisely what I mean. Before you even know what happened, you’re knodding along in absolute agreement that the vision will come to pass. Recently, I’ve been on a quest to refamiliarize myself with the deep intricacies and subtle nuances it takes to see a goal, mission or vision materialze. I’ll spare you the details behind that for now. Suffice it to say, it is highly important to align yourself with an organization that not only knows where its been, but is crystal clear on where it is heading. Highly important. The reason behind that is we all have a certain finite number of hours on this earth plane. It is important what we do with those hours. I don’t know about you, but I’m not interested in chasing good time after futile time. Instead I enjoy knowing that the future looks so good for F.I.A.T.M. that we’ll need shades. Now, lest you think I’m on my pollyanna bandwagon, I am not. It’s going to take work, tapped and untapped resources, newly honed skillsets, excellent communication skills and so much more. Most importantly, it’s going to take you, dear reader. We need help. There is nothing wrong with asking for help. There is something indeed wrong with not asking for help. In not asking for help we are inherently limiting our reach. We are denying the efficacy of the great work that is being done at F.I.A.T.M.. We are hiding our light under a bushel. We are basically letting down our community. We are preventing a success story from being created and told which could create hope in a child and a family. We are blocking our blessings and yours. We are sitting in the bleachers instead of being active participants for change. How can you help? Glad you asked. Here are some pressing needs that we have. Hopefully either you or someone you care about feels comfortable helping us. If as you peruse this list of immediate needs someone comes to mind feel comfortable sending an email to: jacqui@FIATMGroupInc.org
Well, that will do for now. If you have any questions or suggestions, feel comfortable sending an email to: jacqui@FIATMGroupInc.org. Feel comfortable leaving a comment here on the blog. Looking forward to seeing you next week! Jacqui: Dobens~) Byline: Jacqui Dobens has an eclectic shoe collection, loves karaoke (admittedly she’s not very good at it), enjoys discovering the etymology of words and is addicted to BBC detective series.  WORD COUNT: 389 READ TIME:1:25 Hopefully you’ve read the previous posts where an attempt is made to shed light on the behind-the-scenes of F.I.A.T.M. (Family Is All That Matters). I assure you, this is no easy feat. The most challenging part is conveying the heart and intention behind everything that is done and said to make a positive impact in a community, one family at a time. The needs are great and varied. They are both complex and simple. They are both individual and collective in nature. While we admit we can’t be all things to all people we give it a valiant effort. We recognize that the make up of families have changed and evolved over the years. This, in and of itself, broadens the baseline of specific needs. It’s interesting how media formulates and pushes societal trends like, DEI (Diversity, Equity and Inclusion), single parent homes, aging out foster care and group home youths and the impact abandonment has on children to name a few. At F.I.A.T.M. we’ve addressed and continue to implement viable solutions for the families we are honored to serve. In doing so, we hope that if you have a practical skillset that will benefit others that you feel comfortable reaching out to me at: jacqui@fiatmgroupinc.org to enter a lively conversation on how you can join us in helping one family at a time. Currently we are in a growth phase. We are in the process of exploring how to expand our reach. It’s exciting. The exciting part is seeing the growth and response from the community of our efforts. Witnessing the youth mindset being changed and adjusted is heartwarming. Experiencing the eyes of the children as we enter their school campus gives us chills. We continually receive positive feedback from administrators of the impact we’re making. This, of course, keeps us both inspired and motivated. That being shared, it’s frustrating at times. The frustration comes from seeing the myriad of needs and trying to creatively meet them. For the sake of full transparency, we need help. We need introductions to individuals and organizations that are outward focused and want to make a difference in our community. If you have a relationship with a generous individual or organization, feel comfortable connecting me to them via email at: jacqui@fiatmgroupinc.org. P.S. Here are the links to the previous posts: https://www.fiatmgroupinc.org/blog/fiatm-family-is-all-that-matters https://www.fiatmgroupinc.org/blog/fiatm-is https://www.fiatmgroupinc.org/blog/fiatm-all https://www.fiatmgroupinc.org/blog/fiatmthat https://www.fiatmgroupinc.org/blog/fiatm-matters Byline: Jacqui Dobens enjoys people watching at parks, malls and Disneyland!  Words: 290 Read Time: 1:03 We’ve made it! We are at the last word in the mission of F.I.A.T.M., Family Is All That Matters. We took a deep dive into what family is and isn’t. We poked a little fun at the word is. I encourage you to take a look at the posts about All and That. Today we are delving into Matters. Matters is defined as to be of importance. Sit with that for a moment. At F.I.A.T.M. we can rephrase it, for context, as Family Is All That Is Of Importance to us. I’ve been privy to conversations and discussions that didn’t fully meet the standard of expressing Family Is All That Matters. As a result, the idea or campaign was shot down. Sometimes when you are aspirational it can be very challenging. Receiving calls that part of the family is hurting is taken personally. In addition, hearing of unmet needs in the community keeps us up at night. This is why we need help and support. This is why we are becoming bolder and stronger with asking for help and support. This is why we are increasing and improving our messaging. All of our communication is designed to inform you of what we are doing, who we are doing it to, why we are doing it and how you can become involved in helping us help more families. With that in mind, I’m asking that the next time you are in a conversation and someone expresses wanting to help and support those that help and support others, you can now feel comfortable reaching out to me. My email address is jacqui@fiatmgroupinc.org. Byline: Jacqui Dobens is known for being directionally challenged, is obsessed with animal print clothing and enjoys hiking  Words: 354
Read Time: 1:17 Let’s begin by recapping the crux of what we have been studying thus far. We are looking at what F.I.A.T.M. is. What does it mean? What is behind the thoughts of Family Is All That Matters? We’ve learned that Family is not just genetically based. Family is more of an ideology. It’s people that choose to be together because of what knits us together. Is. We had a little fun with the word is. I’ll let you go back and see for yourself. The word is is an action word. F.I.A.T.M. is definitely about taking action. We have decided not to sit back complaining about what is not right in our communities. Instead, we are taking action on meeting the needs of our youth and families. We offer a variety of ways to attract youth so that we can positively impact them. That. That is an identifier. This makes the word that very powerful. Did you catch the wordplay I did there? For the context of this discussion one can deduce that the identifier is the purpose. Stay with me. If, or because that is the case what is the purpose of F.I.A.T.M.? Simple: Unifying Communities One Family At A Time. Look at that statement. Our sole purpose or mission if you like is to unify communities one family at a time. Not 100 families at a time. One family at a time. This means that we take the time and energy to get to know those with whom we feel entrusted to serve. We continue to expand our services and offerings for the sole purpose of unifying communities one family at a time. We show up at local sports facilities for the sole purpose of unifying communities one family at a time. We mentor, tutor, educate and inspire our youth for the sole purpose of unifying communities one family at a time. If you’d like to help us fulfil our purpose feel comfortable reaching out to me: jacqui@fiatmgroupinc.org. Byline: Jacqui Dobens enjoys sharing her skills and talents with others, laughing at herself and making up phrases that she calls Jacqui-isms.  Words: 581
Read Time: 2:03 This week we are looking into the word,ALL. Feel comfortable reviewing the previous two posts where we are taking a deep dive into the foundation of F.I.A.T.M., Family Is All That Matters. As a brief recap, we discussed the word family. Last week we talked about the word is. Yes, we did. As I shared earlier I absolutely LOVE words. It thrills me to discover and remind myself of the meaning and applications of words. I find that we as a society progress and regress simultaneously in the area of communicating thoughts with words. This is the impetus of why we are taking our time with the nexus of F.I.A.T.M.. Hopefully you are discovering that what you name something is important. With thoughtful consideration you’ll notice how synergistic the individual and collective meanings of Family Is All That Matters is with its mission. All is a very unique and flexible word in that it is an adjective, a noun, adverb and a pronoun. A few definitions of all according to dictionary.com is: the whole of, the whole number of, the greatest possible, whatever, one’s whole interest, entirely; completely. All is a very impressive word that bridges the two words on either side (Family Is) (That Matters)! It’s the connector. Bedrock. Foundation. One of the tricks I use in understanding words is including the definition in the sentence or phrase. In this case, Family Is All (the whole number of, the greatest possible, completely, whatever, one’s whole interest) That Matters. Look at the way it takes on a whole new meaning. Rest in knowing that when decisions are being made the filter of yay or nay are sifted through our messaging: Is This Best For Our F.I.A.T.M. Family? If it passes the litmus test, you guessed it, it passes. If it’s not, it’s on the chopping block. Taking a cummulative view of the whole number served drives every decision. There are many obvious reasons why this matters (see what I did there?). First and foremost is the consistency that having a standard for arriving at decisions creates stability. Stability is important when you decide to participate in the lives of others, especially the youth. They need to know that we will be there for them. Many of which have rarely experienced that feeling of security. Secondly, our partners and sponsors need to know that we do what we say! It reinforces that they made the right decision investing in the youth via F.I.A.T.M.. It simply makes them feel good. Lastly, which may sound a little selfish, we as an organization want to feel good about ourselves. We desire to continue raising the bar on what we do, why we do what we do and how we do it. So, the next time you’re in a conversation and the person you’re communicating with expresses that they want to give back to the community, feel comfortable giving them my email address: Jacqui@FIATMGroupInc.org. I’d love to discuss with them ways to get involved. Next week, you guessed it we’ll be discussing the word that. Until next week, stay blessed!!! Jacqui Dobens Byline: Jacqui Dobens has many monikers. Her favorite by far is, Loud Fun Machine. Her loud and infectious laughter gives others around her permission to lighten up and have FUN!  Words: 5:30
Read Time: 1:56 Because you can refer to the previous post I won’t go too much into a recap. For contextual purposes I will share that we are diving into our driving force tagline which is, Family Is All That Matters. We covered Family our last time together. This week we’re covering is. I can see in my minds eye your proverbial eye roll. You’re wondering how on earth is Jacqui going to share anything of significance that warrants my spending my precious time reading this post? I’m so glad you’re pondering that because I promise you I have something for you. Big talk, right? I realize we’re just starting our relationship however, this will be worth your read. I’d be remiss if I don’t reference Bill Clinton’s popular grand jury quote, “It depends on what the meaning of the word is is” (https://slate.com/news-and-politics/1998/09/bill-clinton-and-the-meaning-of-is.html). In looking up the definition of is two items stood out: 1) is is commonly identified as a verb and 2) it’s close relationship to the word be. Not one to typically promote slang or ebonics I decided not to resist so in this instance because it offers a layer of depth, I’ll indulge. I’m going to publicly ask my 12th grade English Literature teacher, Mr. Shugard to forgive me in advance. Here goes, Family Be All That Matters. When I looked up the word be, here’s what I found: to exist or live; to take place: occur, to occupy a place or position. If I stopped there you’ve received enough to justify reading the prior sentences. Now, if you’ve decided to hang in there with me it’s about to get juicy. I LOVE that is or be in this instance is an action word. As we go a little further together I’ll be sharing with you specifically and generally the things that FIATM is achieving in local communities. F.I.A.T.M. is definitely occupying a much needed void by positively impacting one family at a time. Consider what happens to a family when a little girl that feels invisible is encouraged to participate in a mentoring session and she finds her voice. She emerges as a leader at school and a change agent. Behavior that she would have shrugged her shoulders at days and weeks prior are now met with deliberate and respectful machinations to solve and resolve untoward actions. Or the young man that was completely fine with C’s and being average aspiring and reaching A’s and A+ status. These results are commonplace with the students that F.I.A.T.M. both teaches and mentors. By the way, if you have any connections or influence with your school district, feel comfortable providing their contact information, mention F.I.A.T.M. to them and I’ll make sure they are contacted to discuss F.I.A.T.M. establishing our mentoring program to their students. Next week we will be taking a look at the word All. If you have any questions or want to explore how you can help us help more youth, feel comfortable emailing me: Jacqui@FIATMGroupInc.org. Byline: Jacqui Dobens is known to provide the right word at the right time, love kayaking even though she can’t swim and be the first to say hello and check in with you about how you're doing/feeling. 644 Words
Read Time: 2:20 Recently the cornerstone of the F.I.A.T.M. team sat down for a podcast interview on Be Inspired Today. CEO, Kuba Brown, COO, David Layne and Advisory Board President, Yundra Thomas shared about the importance of the first word in F.I.A.T.M. which is Family. Feel comfortable taking a look at it, hitting the like button and leaving a comment. For the sake of this conversation we’re going to take a look into an expanded definition of family as was so eloquently expressed in this interview. dictionary.com describes family as: a group of people or things that are related by common characteristics, features, or properties. Another definition that fits is: a group of people who are generally not blood relations but who share common attitudes, interests, or goals. Family. Family is the foundation of F.I.A.T.M.. It’s in essence what makes us, well us. At F.I.A.T.M. we believe you can pick your family that are related to you by common characteristics, attitudes, interests or goals. This means that you can join our family as we unify communities one family at a time. What does that look like? What can that look like? For example, you may have heard of the disparate rumblings in the media regarding inherent tolerations of racial superiority mindsets expressed through, of all places, High School Sports (https://www.pe.com/2021/10/28/after-racism-allegations-temecula-valley-high-making-changes-at-games/) and (https://www.pe.com/2021/09/02/moreno-valley-volleyball-team-racially-harassed-targeted-with-monkey-noises-at-hemet-game/). I share this with you not to shock or polarize you, dear reader. I share this with you to convey that sometimes as a family conversations can get a little complicated. Uncomfortable. Messy. However, I’m a firm believer that on the other side of it is understanding, embracing, acceptance and ultimately at times, love. F.I.A.T.M. has been leading the charge on initiating progressive conversations regarding race, challenging students to level up, mentoring youth, encouraging emerging talent, teaching and training technology, financial literacy, tutoring, athletic excellence and much more since before 2005 in some iteration or another. Think of the landscape of our country in 2005. In looking at Gallup polls (https://news.gallup.com/poll/1687/race-relations.aspx), a 2005 Race Relations Report (https://issuu.com/jcci/docs/05_race_relations_progress_report) and the Immigration debate (https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0896920511421030). Ironically, in 2022 these same or eerily similar conversations are still being had. Albeit in many instances laced with rhetoric. F.I.A.T.M. has been stealthily meeting latent needs in response to these often overlooked topics. We are focused on positively impacting communities by infiltrating often times broken familial dynamics. That can be demonstrated by assisting a young man in obtaining his driving permit and license. Imagine. Or perhaps remember how you felt when you passed your written and driving test. Remember the sense of accomplishment? Freedom. F.I.A.T.M. is consistently in classrooms across various districts on a weekly basis ushering a safe space to express, heal and grow for the youth. Teaching our young men how to treat a young lady appropriately may seem like a no-brainer to you. However, how and when is that taught? Recently on one such school visit a group of young men were throwing rocks at several unsuspecting young ladies. Talk about a teachable moment! Fortunately, F.I.A.T.M. was on campus that day and discussed very openly how and why this behavior is not okay. These are a few examples of tangible ways that F.I.A.T.M. is impacting local communities one family at a time. Next week we’ll be exploring the second word in our tagline, is. I’m serious. We will be discussing what the defintion of is is. If you’re old enough to know that reference, feel comfortable leaving a comment. Next Tuesday, before 10 a.m. the post will be live and ready for you to check out. In the meantime, if you are interested in joining the F.I.A.T.M. family or have questions on how to become involved, feel comfortable emailing me: Jacqui@FIATMGroupInc.org. Byline: Jacqui Dobens is a lover of words, curious bordering nosey, published author, public speaker and recovering sassy shoe addict. She can be reached at: Jacqui@FIATMGroupInc.org.
Times are changing, the world is growing and opportunities are limitless. Families are being challenged in ways that we’ve never seen before because of our ever changing economic and social climates. Now…..more than ever before families, need to pull together and take pride in themselves, individually and as a whole, so that every member of their family can thrive. Pride is a feeling of pleasure from one’s own achievements, of those with whom you are associated and a feeling of justifiable self-respect. As a community, we need to get back to taking pride in our biological families as well as our extended family by embracing that fact that we are all different….but the same. We all have the desire to belong to something or someone, we all want to be loved and appreciated and most importantly, we all want to be proud of who we are and where we come from. Within our communities, we CANNOT be successful if we don’t recognize how important family is. Yes……you may make a lot of money or even a little bit of money but, at the end of the day, we need and want to belong to a family, however you choose to define yours. The statistics regarding divorce, single parent households and youth who are at-risk are painfully high, as a result, we need to take a look at ourselves and decide who we want be as individuals, families and a community and get to the business of being EXACTLY that!! We have to redefine ourselves, change those negative statistics and flourish as a family community!! How do we do that??? I’m so glad you asked, here are a few examples: A.) Be CONSISTENT! B.) Expose children to as many positive experiences as possible C.) Support the children and each other by showing up as much as possible because they love to see your smiling faces D.) Praise and encourage each other and the children when they do well to encourage positive behavior E.) When our loved ones are engaged in negative or inappropriate behavior, try to correct the behavior not CONDONE or make excuses for it. We need to show interest or concern in each other’s well being from the youngest to the oldest in our family and community. The older generations helped to make us who we are and the younger generation is our future. Our young people should reflect what we have taught and instilled in them. We all have busy lives and schedules but we should never be too busy to take time out and build stronger family ties. We ask you now, to take pride in your family, biological or extended by respecting yourselves as well as one another. Always talk out your differences with respect and continue to be an example to your children and those around you. It is important to act with integrity and teach our younger generation that their actions can and will bring consequences. In order for our children to grow and understand life they need to experience those consequences and our job is to help them and each other to stop making the same mistakes over and over again. United we stand and divided we fall, let’s work together to change that expression to “united we stand so that we will not fall”. When we see ours brothers and sisters down, let’s not kick them while they’re down but pick them back up instead. We need to restore our family ties and family values that have been tossed away like trash and take pride and cherish our families because at the end of each day…….. Family Is All That Matters!!
By WENONA JOHNSON |
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